Welcome back to my little punk rock workshop at the North Pole, my dearest boys, girls, and enbies of all ages! 2023 has been a big year for me, and these days I split my time between TGEFM and several other publications, but I couldn’t resist the opportunity to return to the site that launched my career to spread a little bit of punk rock holiday cheer once again. So grab a nice cold glass of soy nog and curl up next to the fire for the best and worst of holiday music from the worlds of punk, the punk adjacent, and everything else!
Single: Brutalligators – “All I Want for Christmas is Us”
One of the fun things about doing this column is you get to hear artists you would probably never hear otherwise and get to discover bizarre and awesome band naems like Brutalligators and Fightmilk. But despite the punk rock band names, this is a surprisingly delicate and beautiful Christmas song. Playing off the title of Mariah Carey’s much-maligned Christmas anthem, this song is just gorgeously composed and recorded.
Busted Head Racket & Billiam – “Genetic Southern Hemisphere Christmas” EP
This is probably going to be the weirdest release I review this week. But that’s good. Weird is good. It means you’re trying something different, and Busted Head Racket & Billiam are certainly trying something new with this ostensibly holiday-themed EP.
The EP starts off with the synth-punk and experimental electronic stylings of “Bauble Break” with its blown-out vocals to make for a fun, catchy, bizarre little tune. Then “Dm7 (B5),” which I assume is named after the chords used in the song (I can’t recognize chords by ear) is similarly synth-punk heavy with similarly blown-out vocals that somehow does manage to have a distinctly holiday feel to it. Finally “I’m Existential” keeps up the trend and has a driving backbeat that makes for a compelling track. It’s hard to hear any of the lyrics on these tracks, so who knows how they relate to the holidays, but it’s certainly a fun ride.
Geoff Palmer – “Lonely Christmas Call b/w Cocktails and Candy Canes”
Geoff Palmer takes a classic country Christmas tune, which sounds rather dull by today’s musical standards, and gives it new energy in a spirited cover. It’s hard not to enjoy the slightly silly, low-budget video where Palmer plays the song in his own garage in front of a white sheet with Green Day’s Dos on vinyl displayed in the corner. The digital 7″ has a b-side called “Cocktails and Candy Canes” which has a similarly fun energy and is perfectly suited for a Christmas party playlist. Admittedly, the use of jingle bells to indicate that it’s a Christmas song is a bit overdone, but as I highly suspect that a lot of songs I’ll be reviewing will be doing the same thing, I’ll let it slide.
The Guilty Parties – “December 24, 1993 (Riverside)”
The Guilty Parties’ Bandcamp page claims that they combine ska-punk with progressive rock, which is the weirdest combination I’ve heard of since ska-goth (yes, that exists). But this song has no progressive elements, and is just a straightforward ska-punk song with brilliantly hilarious lyrics about an anti-corporate Santa Claus who does things like smashing a JC Penny’s window with a brick. Admitting that meeting Santa was part of a “home invasion” is pretty funny. It’s just, overall, a really great and funny Christmas tune. The Bandcamp also has a clean version of the song, which I can’t imagine being half as much fun.
Half Past Two – “Breakdown For Christmas”
Two years ago for this column I reviewed ska band Half Past Two’s Holidays EP, which was literally just the band covering four songs that happened to be titled “Holiday,” even though none of them were about the holidays. It was a cute idea, but it wasn’t a true holiday release. And they didn’t even include the Get Up Kids’ song, which is a glaring omission.
This year, they were kind enough to gift us with an actual holiday track with “Breakdown for Christmas.” It’s a fairly simple breakup song, but the lyrics are well-done and the way that Christmas imagery is worked into the lyrics is pretty clever. “Why’d I believe/Your promises as real as Santa Claus?” Overall, it’s a really solid little pop-ska tune.
LAPÊCHE – “Christmastime” (Smashing Pumpkins cover)
LAPÊCHE gives us a cover of the Smashing Pumpkins’ classic Christmas rock song “Christmastime.” The original version of this song appeared on the compilation A Very Special Christmas Volume 3 in 1997, which was one of the first albums I ever bought that was full of alternative rock Christmas songs, and my two favorite songs on the compilation were this one and No Doubt’s cover of The Vandals’ legendary Christmas tune “Oi to the World.” So “Christmastime” is a song that holds a special meaning for me. It was a warm and beautiful song that showed none of the Pumpkins’ usual cynicism. Considering that Billy Corgan has expressed some problematic views in recent years, I have a complicated relationship with that band these days, but this song came out at a time when the Pumpkins weren’t complicated at all. They were just a great band.
LAPêCHE manages to enhance an already great song. First of all, it’s always been understood that Corgan is not a good singer, and the debate over whether the Pumpkins are good because of his bizarre singing style or in spite of it rages on. But LAPêCHE’s vocalist is objectively a good singer, and moving from Corgan’s nasally vocals to something clean and crisp is undoubtedly an improvement. And, while the Pumpkins are an alternative rock band with heavy metal and prog elements, LAPêCHE is more of a punk/indie rock band, and they bring a bit more of a punk energy to the song, especially in the guitars. It adds a little more life into what was always a slow, sleepy little track. Really, considering how much the original song meant to me, there was a lot of opportunity for LAPêCHE to do something with this song that really ruined the original for me, but instead they made it their own and improved upon the Pumpkins’ version greatly.
Ralphie’s Red Riders – “I Didn’t Say Fudge” digital 7″
Ralphie’s Red Ryders (which is really just Vista Blue [see below]) is a band that does nothing but songs about the 1983 classic holiday film, A Christmas Story. In 2020 they gave us a full-length album (if you can call 12 tracks in 18 minutes a full-length) called You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out. That was the year before I started this column so I didn’t get to review it (although another TGEFM writer did) but, had I reviewed it, I would have said it was good, but 12 tracks is a little far to go for this particular joke. They’ve continued to put out new singles every year and, this year, they’ve produced two more songs. But if one LP stretched the joke a bit thin, these latest two songs are just beating a dead horse. Pulling from the scene where Ralphie gets his mouth rinsed out with soap, “I Didn’t Say Fudge” basically just recounts a minor plot point from the film. Then “Notafinga” is about the famous leg lamp scene, which the band already touched on with the song “Electric Sex” from the LP, making this feel like an unnecessary follow up. I love A Christmas Story as much as the next girl, but an entire band that just puts out songs about that one movie is bound to get tiring, even if they only put out a song or two every year.
Sam Russo – “Mistletoe Pier” 7″
Sam Russo gives us a new 7″ with two Christmas songs, with “Christmas Under the Pier” being released as a single with a lyric video (that could have easily been called a music video). I’ve said before that songs about Christmas in warm weather are a bit played out. Thankfully, “Christmas Under the Pier,” while being a sort of beachy Christmas song, isn’t just about that. It’s also a beautiful nostalgia trip that’s sharply poignant. If there’s one criticism to be made about the song, it’s that it’s barely about Christmas, but the second song on the album, called “Merry Christmas (Baby, I’m Sorry)” is more focused on the holiday. In a bizarre narrative that one can only hope is fictional, Russo talks about beating up the boyfriend of a woman he loves, in a rather dysfunctional depiction of a Christmas romance that’s, ironically, handled with a heartfelt earnestness.
Vista Blue – “Christmas Every Day” EP
Vista Blue delivers a distinctly Ramonescore Christmas EP with this little four-track gem. “It’s Christmas Time” isn’t the most original mishmash of Christmas imagery, but it’s got enough energy to make it a fun tune nonetheless. Then the brief “What Are You Gonna Get” is a cute little song about gift giving (and receiving). My particular favorite is the title track, which is about wishing for every day to be Christmas and, surprisingly, having that wish come true. After a while, it becomes a be-careful-what-you-wish-for scenario, as having every day be Christmas is, inevitably, a nightmare. It makes for a clever little twist, even if it is a bit predictable. “The Rain Washed the Snow Away” is a smart yet sad response to the traditional dreams of a “White Christmas,” and ends the EP on a bit of a down note, but, to paraphrase the movie Clerks, life is just a series of down notes anyway, isn’t it?
Once a year TGEFM lets contributor Julie River break out her “Queen of Mean” hat in order to spend the holiday season critiquing this year’s crop of holiday-themed tunes. Some she loves, some she definitely doesn’t. But what are you gonna do? If you’re gonna wade into the Thunderdome that is HOLIDAY SONGS, you’d damn well better bring your A game.
Julie is punk rock, lesbian time lady from the future. The greatest things in the world are punk rock and science fiction. Check out her website JulieRiver.com!
