Once a year TGEFM lets contributor Julie River break out her “Queen of Mean” hat in order to spend the holiday season critiquing this year’s crop of holiday-themed tunes. Some she loves, some she definitely doesn’t. But what are you gonna do? If you’re gonna wade into the Thunderdome that is HOLIDAY SONGS, you’d damn well better bring your A game. (Oh, and all opinions here are Julie’s. TGEFM still loves you all!)
I love the holidays! I love punk! And I especially love when the two come together! Welcome to my own little holiday workshop where, each week for yet another festive season, I’ll be compiling mini reviews of recent seasonal-themed tracks, whether they be covers of old classics or original songs; and I’ll sort out the naughty from the nice!
Welcome back to another punk rock Christmas season! Time to round up the best Christmas songs from the worlds of punk, the punk adjacent, and everything else.
Cardboard Box Colony – “We Were Never Naughty or Nice”
Cardboard Box Colony starts us off this week with a surprisingly delightful Christmas emo tune in the form of “We Were Never Naughty or Nice.” There’s some really interesting electronic elements to this song that really make it stand out as unique. It’s potentially a new Christmas classic.
Classic Pat – I Still Believe
Classic Pat gives us an entire EP for the holidays. “I Believe in Santa Claus” is a jolly, if easy, track about still finding the joy of Christmas well into adulthood. Then it’s time to spark a perennial holiday debate with “I Just Wanna Watch Die Hard Tonight,” a tribute to the classic Christmas movie. “On Second Thought” sounds like a clever direct response to the Ramones’ holiday classic “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want to Fight Tonight).” “Three Rules” pays homage to another Christmas movie in the form of Gremlins. And “That Damn Somg” is about the particularly annoying holiday songs like “All I Want for Christmas is You.” All-in-all the EP is a delightfully fun and funny romp through the holidays.
Nate Funk – “All I Get for Christmas is Depression”
Nate Funk gives us a ska/punk tune here that gets very real very fast as its bleak and self-deprecating lyrics go hard, to the point where it’s likely to make you laugh, but very uncomfortably. That being said, a lot of people are going to relate to a song like this because lots of people face a depressing holiday, so why not make a bit of a joke out of it?
The Taj Motel Trio – “Jingle Bells, Taj Motel”
Carrying on with the ska, The Taj Motel Trio have a spirited entry to our list this week with their really fun ska tune “Jingle Bells, Taj Motel”. Even putting aside the holiday elements, this is just a fun song clearly made by people who were enjoying themselves, and that really makes the song all the more enjoyable. And nobody was having as much fun recording this song as the horn section, who end up doing some really fun things in the instrumental sections.
Various Artists – Arose Such a Clatter: Letters to Santa
This is a really a fun punk/ska Christmas comp with some really fun tunes. First up Chase Long Beach pulls off a surprisingly enjoyable ska punk cover of The Kinks’ classic “Father Christmas.” Backyard Superheroes turn in a particularly soulful ska cover of Fountains of Wayne’s “I Want an Alien for Christmas.” One of the best ska bands in the scene Catbite provide in “Gritty Holiday” which, based on its focus on COVID sounds like it’s probably a Christmas tune from a few years ago (ed.- it is), and musically it bears a striking resemblance to their song “Call Your Bluff”.
Tryingtogetby do a really fun ska-punk rendition of The Vandals’ “Oi to the World,” making it more abrasive than the original. The Taj Motel Trio’s “Jingle Bells, Taj Motel” shows up, too. Half Past Two I reviewed last year when they covered a series of songs called “Holiday” for the holidays. This comp has a track from that EP, namely their cover of Green Day’s “Holiday” to the tune of Reel Big Fish’s “Beer” which, out of context, doesn’t really invoke the Christmas spirit. Meskales‘ “Burrito Skabanero” is in Spanish so I’m going to have to assume that it’s a Christmas song somehow, but it’s certainly a lot of fun.
The big draw here is the closer, Big D & the Kids Table with “Christmas in Allston,” a ska/punk parody/slightly changed cover of Run-DMC’s “Christmas in Hollis.” So overall the compilation is a bit uneven and seems to rely on songs that aren’t particularly new, but at 22 songs long and as a name-your-price download, it has a few good tracks ,and the proceeds go to Toys for Tots.
Various Artists – I Surrender Sleighs
One of these songs I reviewed last week—We Are the Union’s “Yr Always Alone (On Christmas)”—so we’re going to focus on the rest of the compilation, which is absolutely outstanding. Valencia’s “How Valencia Stole Christmas” is one of the most foul-mouthed Christmas songs ever written, and it’s here to start off the comp just to make sure you know what you’re in for, because this is a very adult Christmas compilation. “Rico Christmas” by The High Court takes a radical political response to the holiday’s commercialism in a gleefully anarchistic pop-punk song.
“Hungover for the Holidays” by Latewaves is kind of lazily constructed, moving mostly in a stream of consciousness which ends when the song starts playing “Carol of the Bells” and someone interrupting the song to heckle the band. Mattstagraham’s “I Can’t Keep Up With the Holidays” is a very cynical song about the struggles of giving gifts when you’re broke, making for one of the most easily relatable songs on the album. Pollyanna then hits you with “Christmas Garbage,” which is every bit as cynical as the rest of the comp, but it’s the first track on the album that isn’t an obvious joke, making for a more emotionally distraught Christmas emo tune that’s a welcome change of pace.
Then comes Alex Amirudden and Vinnie Caruana, both of The Movielife, who put in the most bleakly dark track on the record with “December 26th,” which focuses on the brutality of winter. Punchline’s “Together” barely feels like a holiday tune, and is more of just a generic love song with occasional Christmas references, although it’s a really fun tune musically. Finally Raccoon Tour give up their weirdest song on the comp, “Happy New Year I’m Still a Piece of Garbage” which is both bizarre and hilariously jaded.
My only complaint on this comp is that it relies too heavily on sardonic humor, which I’m normally quite a big fan of, but I could have used a greater variation in the lyrical themes and tones. There’s only so many times you can bash the holidays before it just starts to sound pathetic.
Julie is punk rock, lesbian time lady from the future. The greatest things in the world are punk rock and science fiction. Check out her website JulieRiver.com!
